I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
