Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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