i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
