the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
