fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
