Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
