I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
