Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
