I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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