I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
