how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
