And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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