is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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