i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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