Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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