please come you make the beer taste better
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
