Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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