I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
