So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
