he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
