Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
