let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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