Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize