sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
