Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
