i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
