you lied. pity sex is amazing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
