In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
