I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
