Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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