i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
