maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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