Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
