he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
