a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
