He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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