He uses pillows to masturbate.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
