I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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