I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
