recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
