He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
