So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
