It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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