Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
