there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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