i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
