I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
