So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
