He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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