It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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