I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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