shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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