This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
