Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
