I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
accomplished twins. life is a go
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
