No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
