my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
