thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
