I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize