Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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