dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We left an ass print on the piano.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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