he thought i was a dude.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
