as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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