she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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