why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
