i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
