Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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