Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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