Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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