My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just googled if crying burns calories
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
