Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
