I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
