ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
