He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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