i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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