I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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