Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
