8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
