I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
COCAINE IS GR8
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
