Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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