i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it's like heaven, but drunker
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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