So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i think i have herpe
just one?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
