No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
