So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
