just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
