Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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