The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
